Workbook
Say What You Mean
A Couples Workbook for Replacing Blame, Demand, and Silence with Requests That Get Heard
This workbook produces a signed communication agreement — how each partner will make requests the other can actually hear.
For the couple where one person shuts down and the other escalates — and neither knows how to say the actual thing.
The Name It First Experience
The actual thing you are trying to say keeps getting buried under how you say it — this workbook finds it. Say What You Mean walks each partner through what is underneath the blame, the demand, and the silence — the real request that has not been said yet — and replaces those patterns with language both people can actually hear. It is for the couple where one person escalates and the other shuts down, and both leave the argument without saying the thing they needed to say. You finish with a signed communication agreement — how each of you will make requests, what each of you needs to hear, and the specific language you commit to.
You can opt into 30-, 60-, and 90-day check-ins from your account. We recommend you do — the point is to see what changed.
Sample questions
- What are you trying to say in the moments when the conversation breaks down — underneath the way you say it?
- What do you do when you feel unheard — and what would actually help you feel heard?
- What has never gotten all the way through in this relationship that you most need your partner to understand?
Research basis
Grounded in Stone, Patton, and Heen (1999) difficult conversations research on identity conversations and the gap between intent and impact / Gottman (1999) on soft startup and flooding prevention in high-stakes communication / Rosenberg (2003) nonviolent communication framework applied to partnership requests and needs expression.
Choose your format.
Every format asks the same questions and produces the same document.
Print Paperbackpersonalize
A real book and a pen. Write in the margins. The most permanent version of you on a page.
$22.99
eBook + journal
The full guide on any screen, with a companion journal to write your answers by hand.
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Audiobook
We read every question and every scenario aloud. For the commute, the walk, the dishes.
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Hardcoverpersonalize
The keepsake edition — sewn, ribboned, made to sit on a shelf and be returned to.
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Digital Fill + membership+membership
Answer on screen. Your responses save as you go and assemble into your finished document.
$12.99
Hands-Free Interactive + membership+membership
Listen to each question and speak your answer. We capture it. You never touch a keyboard.
Not available
Everything packages
The Paperback Everything Package
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The Hardcover Everything Package
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The Premium Hardcover Everything Package
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Choose your pace.
The Essential path takes you to your finished document by the questions that matter most. The Full-depth path walks every question, every scenario, every angle. Both produce the same signed document — one just goes deeper on the way there.
Essential path
Shorter sessions. The questions that go directly to the document.
Full depth
Every question. Every scenario, every angle.
Partner Pair
Built for two. You each work your own copy, on your own time — then you bring them together and compare, one answer at a time.
The comparison is the conversation.
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